


For a Good Cause

by LeighLa (WarieLym)



Category: Resident Evil - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Bad Shit Happens, F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi, and oblivious leon, lots of pining, you want an rpd shirtless calendar? you get one
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 20:59:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17967956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WarieLym/pseuds/LeighLa
Summary: Leon is drafted into the R.P.D's yearly charity extravaganza, and the part he's expected to play is not exactly what he expected.





	For a Good Cause

**Author's Note:**

> this is is really just an excuse for me to write all of my leon ships pining over him. so here we are.
> 
> as usual i have no patience to proofread rip

The annual R.P.D charity drive, Leon has been told, is the event of the year, looked forward to by middle-aged women and young, eligible singles alike, and after seeing the evidence of past years he can’t say he doesn’t understand why.

Marvin has laid out a pile of photos, calendars, and posters over his and Rita’s desks, and with each one he examines Leon gets a bit more nervous. The latest calendar, specifically, is more than he bargained for.

 

Is that Redfield? In shorts?  _ Washing a car? _

 

Rita clocks the look on his face and looks like she’s about to explode into whatever funfetti she’s made of, but luckily she says nothing, instead just enjoying his discomfort in that way that’s hilarious when it’s directed at someone else.

 

“Marvin?”

 

“Yeah, rook?”

 

“Is this a pin-up calendar?”

 

“It sure is.”

 

“Do we all… have to...” Marvin raises his brows in a look that screams ‘you know the answer to that’, flipping the page for Leon and pointing at a photo of himself holding a kitten.

 

Shirtless. 

 

Okay, no one is safe. At least there’s that. 

 

“We aren’t going to force you, Leon.” Rita chimes in, managing to look only slightly less pleased. “We just think you might pull us in some more sales, you know?”

 

He really doesn’t. How is one more cop going to earn them any extra money? 

 

“No…?”

 

The look Rita is giving him makes him feel like he just told her that water is a solid, and when he looks to Marvin for backup he finds the same expression.

 

“You ever looked in a mirror, Kennedy?” 

 

Well, sure. His  _ mom _ thinks he’s handsome, but that’s just what moms say. He highly doubts he qualifies as ‘eye candy’ by anyone else’s standards. “What does that have to do with anything?”

 

“You’re cute, that has  _ everything _ to do with it.” Rita replies, with the surety of someone saying that the sky is blue.

 

“ _ Am I really, though-” _

 

“Oh my  _ god _ , do you want to raise money for charity or not, dummy?” Rita’s amusement seems to have reached impossible levels and it’s audible in her voice, whereas Marvin’s face is in his hands. 

 

“I do, but-” Leon falters, coming up short on excuses. Surely there were officers better suited to this. Right? 

 

“What about Albert, or Redfield? They’re handsome, right?”

 

Rita makes a considering noise, and Leon regrets the compliment immediately when her smile turns sly, but ultimately shakes her head. “They agreed to participate, but they’re old hat by now. You’re  _ fresh! _ ”

 

Leon doesn’t like that word at all. What is he, meat? He scrunches his nose, flipping the calendar closed. “If you say so.”

 

“Is that a ‘yes’?” She’s making a face that Leon can only liken to a begging puppy, assuming that the puppy is plotting to exploit his body for money. Money for a good cause, but whatever.

 

_ Okay, Leon, buck up, do it for charity, don’t be selfish _ . “... It’s just a calendar, I guess.” 

 

“That’s the spirit, kiddo!” She scribbles something on a memo stuck to her computer screen, and grins like the devil he knows her to be. “Would you prefer March or October?”

 

“... Does it matter?”

 

Marvin rolls his eyes when Rita gasps, leaning back in his chair as if settling in for a show. “You went and did it now, huh.”

 

“Of  _ course _ it matters! Would you rather be a sexy leprechaun or a vampire? Maybe a witch, even, I know there are some ladies out there who would  _ die  _ to see you in a pair of fishnets.”

 

“Fishnets?” Leon sputters and glances helplessly at Marvin, who shrugs and motions back to Rita to continue her spiel.

“Yes, fishnets! But then-” She presses her lips together in thought, looking more like the cop she is than the talent manager she’s playing at, “That might be too niche for charity...”

 

That’s one bullet dodged, at least.

 

“I’ve changed my mind!” She claps her hands together, decision apparently made. “You’re doing October, we’re going to saddle Albert with March because I want to see him in sparkly green pants, and the vampire theme is too good to pass up.”

 

“...Is it?”

 

“Leon, are you blind to the inherent sensuality of the vampire?”

 

“I guess?”

 

“What about Interview With a Vampire? That did  _ nothing _ for you?” She gasps, looking somehow even more scandalized. “Or worse, have you  _ not _ seen that movie?”

 

He has  _ not _ seen it, and it must be obvious as she’s scribbling another memo and slapping it on her computer before he can answer. “Okay, we’re watching that. For research purposes.” She tacks on, when Marvin gives her a look.

 

“On your own time, Officer Phillips.” He reminds her, with a stern look that Leon really wishes was on his side.

 

“You got it, boss.” She gives Marvin a quick two-finger salute. “It’s way too long to watch during lunch, anyway.”

 

“Is that the one with Tom Cruise?” Leon  _ vaguely _ remembers a commercial full of pretty people in period clothing, and even more full of homoerotic subtext. In hindsight, it looked more like just… text. How did they get away with that? On daytime television, even?

 

“Yes! You aren’t completely hopeless, thank God.” She’s setting the bar  _ really _ low for him, huh. “Come over tomorrow at like, eight, I guess? Bring food, and be prepared to sit still for like two hours.”

 

He doesn’t envy the back pain future-Leon is going to be experiencing, and he almost doesn’t want to ask. “Why?”

 

“Because I have to do makeup tests, duh.” Rita has pressed yet another sticky note to her computer, and is paying absolutely no attention to the dawning horror on Leon’s face, or the smirk breaking out on Marvin’s. 

 

_ “Makeup?” _ There’s nothing wrong with makeup. Leon has seen plenty of men wear it and look fantastic, but  _ him?  _ “I’m not sure that’ll suit me, Rita.”

 

There it is again, the ‘ _ you are operating on one brain cell and I pity you’ _ face. “I am  _ so  _ looking forward to proving you wrong, pretty boy.”

 

That was very much a threat, and Leon hasn’t been so scared since that one time he accidentally knocked over Redfield’s coffee in the break room. 

 

Great.

**Author's Note:**

> leon really, really doesn't strike me as someone who watches a lot of tv in his free time, or fully realizes that he's a snacc
> 
> rita is here to fix both of those things, and make wesker wear ridiculous costumes


End file.
